The Girl And The Poems She Wrote Living In The Dirt

Full Book Coming Soon

Two years ago I went mad and was sent to the woods and desert of Utah where I documented my journey in these poems.

Commend the mind

For it is time

Fortune knows

No lines

In the wilderness abode

Bury me here 

Vast

Astray

A crazed

Never ponder 

Why I make 

Choices

Out of the 

Fuck of my mind

It’s unkind

To say

I am sane

And favor

The wind

In my ways

So now I rest 

In a padded bed

Sand far in dreams land 

Healing here to stay.

Red blossomed bushes

Bewild in the emerald

Miniature big trees

Caressing the lake

In an illusion of thieves 

Reflection of life

Of love and

Quality

Don’t doubt

This is the place you need to be.

Spiders bigger 

Than my eyes

Swelling up my

Poor poor thighs

Screaming minds

In pain and sorrow

Maybe we’ll know 

What to do tomorrow.

I was wise

And I was shallow

I do not have any hallow

An apology is more

Than cash

At your doorstep

I’ll be in a dash.

Move along the 

Duck horn says

But I stay put 

Natural in my sanity

A big rock

Has become of me

And nightmares come 

But they are not to be remembered

And friends stay until September 

My hollow eyes 

Do not creek

The stealthy mosquitos 

Do not make a peep

I wish I was wiser

More vocal

More read

I wish I had dreams other than to stay in bed.

The land

Mosaic of eyes

Calmness in the wind

Ripples still come

By sporadic surprise

We wish we were there 

We wish we were here

We wish we knew the 

End was near

The lake is a purple gray hue

An agenda with not

Much to do

The dragon flies are blue

I’m not sure the time

I’m not confident in rhyme

Not solid in my thoughts of being 

You can wish upon a shooting star

If you stay long enough to see

Yet the wishes are put

Into category

And the presidents dinner

Is interrupted again and

Again by an illusion of

A hallway

The same galla 

Becomes different

And so we retreat

Spilling on the president 

What he had to eat

Now the room has five beds 

One hangs out the window instead 

And the past comes to share 

Intimacies

There is forgiveness in the air 

It only seems fair

That I love myself holy

God showed me green glass

When I asked

And buzzed around me

As a fly 

To get me to wonder why

Who planted these trees

The future

Midnight library

I must find 

Satisfaction with in me 

For who knows what 

Would have arose

If we had kept loving

And who of the future 

would have been lost 

And at what cost

Would be the paper tower 

standing.

Rocks tend to swim

They live on through their kin

And water lives through

Iodine

I miss the sunshine

I miss the water and

The candy

It’s dandy

To think of somewhere nice

Where dysregulation is just a word

And I don’t have to think twice.

But that is not me,

Not my pain that

God sees.

My reflection is winking

The ants shadow is bigger than he

He runs away in terror

He runs and he sprints 

But he must admit

The shadow has never hurt him 

This doesn’t slow him

Down

He wears a high crown.

The big black dog cries

He wants me to come near

But I can not 

I can not leave the path of fear

I’m scared to go back

To the field 

To my home

I’m scared of places unknown 

I’m sad that my past

Is allowed to leave 

And that I have to accept 

A new chapter 

Bones by my feet

I am in defeat

Watched and guarded

By the guides

I have nothing to compete

Now I can’t go home 

Because I wanted to see red

I can’t comprehend 

What I said

Life is so rare

I wanted it gone

Wishing someone would bash

My head in with a log.

They won’t let you leave 

They won’t let you die

They take away all comforts

To produce a dramatic cry

I still want to go home

But I know I can’t.

Wet seat

Drown me in my 

Newfound relief 

Burry me

In moving on

Regardless of disbelief

The horses hooves patter

Through soggy glass 

I have yet to see the act

I can not remember the 

Dreams that I had

But I know I slept through the night

No one knows how to control me 

Not even myself

A new girl renting

Loves a good laugh

She sits by the holes 

In the wall

Put there by me

And smiles to herself

About the casualty 

The holes become home

To a place no one knows

I dread nothing anymore 

And inspiration leaves 

Hurry hurry please

Stay with us 

And give us wisdom

A bracelet is left

Blues woven together 

Double wrapped and tied

Isn’t it so kind

That time moves

And it withers

It whimpers 

And cries

It’s mothers lullabies 

The sweet resurrection 

Of feelings missed

My life is here for now

I must admit

The birds go wild

Go a miss

Let me be or don’t

I’m here 

The end is not near

But I do not fear

What is coming 

I do

I do 

Not out of the blue

Appreciate the sitting

And uncomfortable 

As it may be 

This is where I’m meant to be

And my mind is very cunning

I better stop running

Maybe then I’ll be satisfied 

Wide eyed glory

This is my story.

I whisper my screams 

For no one

I repeat my dreams in rhythm 

I seek patience in disaster

And have nothing but a dime

The rain does pitter patter

So nicely does it speak

Waking me up early

I do not mind this week

I have nothing in desire

But to be good

But to be bad

I am glad I do not falter

I am to be had to be had

Entitled and emotional

Who will love me 

Someone someone

In holy trinity

The rain gets me wet

There is no room for two

Come hither come hither

It’s all about the blue

For fortune is at stake here 

And my past is just my past

I have no wait here

My future take me back

Lie to me about illusion

Settle me to despair

Create dysfunctionality

And jump me in the air

My hair may be on fire

And rolling in the deep

But I can’t give up

For functionality 

What I’ve done does not 

Deserve me

Crying like I do

And yet what is deserving 

Unless it is you.

There’s a never ending

Obstacle course in my dreams

And for some reason

It takes away my wish to scream

On the hunt to find a treasure

A game only fools play

I swear on my life 

I’ll stay here for today

I’ll forget all my classes

I’ll forget where I live 

But I’ll know I’m not dreaming

At the edge of a cliff

I know I am strong

I know I am brave

I know my mind wanders

And for that I am saved

For the tough

For the week

We know nothing 

I speak

Come tell me I’m okay

Come tell me blessed

I will attest

To my mind

To my worth

I like myself better 

When I’m around the hearth

The fire within

Burns brightly and strong

It feels there could possibly 

Be no wrong

The shoes sit

Being warmed

I am warned 

Of the fleet

The army of my mind

That will surely soon

Come after me

I may scream

I may joke

I may wish I had a toke

Of my mind of my mind

It’s sometimes so unkind

But it’s growing

It’s growing

It knows what to do

I’ll trust my body 

I’ll trust you. 

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